Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
