Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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