At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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