yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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