My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
