im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My dick has a subreddit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize