hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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