somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
