No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
