What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
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sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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