I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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