Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
