No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Did I show you my penis last night?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
