and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
