why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
