the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
