If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
