Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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