Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
