i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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