she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
