My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
