I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
