i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
