I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My feet surprised me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
