She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
