When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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