How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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