A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
