eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
