I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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