I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
