god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
