somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
