she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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