can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
