It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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