I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
