The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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