You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
