Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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