You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
