I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
