Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
