I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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