considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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