His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ate ashes out of my bong
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
