I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
