I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
