Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
