Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
