nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The air was thick with penises
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
