community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the day after is always just damage control
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I think my moral compass just broke
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