When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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