so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
