From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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