We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And then he peed in my hair
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