So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
