My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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