Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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