whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
