I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
