I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
