the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
