Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize