i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
